I find my mind wanders a lot when I am feeding Nolan at
night. The last few nights I have had ample opportunity for it to wander and
lately I find myself thinking a lot about these NFL players in the news. I have
read and heard all sorts of thoughts on it.
First Mr. Peterson don’t get me started on you! As I hold my
infant and look at my almost four year old all I can think about is that poor
little boy. We can debate spanking but this, my friends, is not spanking. I
mean anyone who looks at those pictures and defends him…. I don’t get it. Those
who I have read that are defending are calling it discipline. I mean clearly that
worked well on him. He has multiple children (I have read any where from 5-7)
and they are by multiple women. So this discipline obviously taught you a lot. You
obviously learned a great sense of responsibility and great sense of respect
for family by the way you were disciplined. Try teaching your children things
by being around and by being their dad! Let’s start there…. Instead of with marks
and scars all over your son's body or is it sons' body now.
Now Mr. Rice,
First something that struck me about what I heard about Rice
before the start of the Steelers vs Ravens football game. One of the
commentators (I can’t even remember who) said that we need to change our
language to show that we value women in order to help stop this cycle. Now I
definitely agree with this sentiment. However he used examples like “throws
like a girl” or “he is weak like a
girl”. Now while I don’t LOVE those expressions I really don’t think that these
are the problem phrases. I think maybe hip/hop and other very popular songs I
hear on the radio that degrade women might be a problem. I mean there is a song
by Dre and Snoop called “Bitches Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks”, “Tip Drill”
by Nelly etc.. I am not saying that all of these songs in this genre degrade
women or that there aren’t women rappers who degrade men but I think there is a
definite theme. This is not a race issue or a socioeconomic issue either….this
is an American culture issue. How about a common phrase that went around, and
was extremely popular even at the high school level, “That’s what she
said.” One of my fellow teachers posted about a recent Beyonce performance and
how horrible and inappropriate it was. Yet all the kids at school thought it was "amazing". When we as women allow ourselves to be
used as objects in this regard we are certainly not stopping how men like Ray
Rice then think they can treat and use us. Now I am in NO WAY saying she
deserved it or did ANYTHING that warrants or deserves that treatment. Nor am I
excusing ANY abuse of ANY woman anywhere at anytime, but I am saying that as a
culture we have to stop promoting ourselves as objects to be used. The girls I
am around in high school now listen to these songs and think nothing of it. The
shorts they wear and tops the wear get skimpier and skimpier. Again they don’t
think anything of it. They are good wholesome great kids…. But it is the
culture…. Our culture.
I am glad for the sponsors that are pulling money or at
least threatening too. I am glad for people who are starting to speak out
against what the NFL has known about and ignored (arguably for generations).
But this isn’t an NFL problem. This isn’t a football problem. This is a society
problem. Both of these issues, child abuse and abuse of woman are much MUCH
greater issues.
At the risk of sounding like a feminist (as that is now a
dirty word according to a Today Show I watched when Nolan was a few weeks old),
women certainly have come a long way and so have most men in how they think of
and treat women. More and more parents use other ways of disciplining their
kids rather then resorting to violence. But maybe if our culture valued less of
how “baby got back” it would certainly help. This really is not a “woman hear me
roar” post but more of a what can we do to protect our kids and women post. I
am sure I sound old and fuddy duddy… or prude… or old fashioned. The obvious
question for me as a mom is what will it be like for my daughter, but also I
think of my little guy. He will fortunately be raised by a man who does respect
women and is not violent. Jared was
raised by a dad who is not violent and also respects women and so I just hopes
that that is the greatest influence on both my kids.
I have officially really rambled and I won’t even begin to
tell you how many other issues this connects in my mind including but not
limited to underpaid child labor in foreign countries by American companies ( I
told you I am weird) , what we let our little preschool and elementary age
girls wear, how sports can play a role in empowering girls. And the list goes
on….
