Dallas..... My home.....

I can't understand how someone can be convicted of rape but be given leniency based on athletic abilities.

I can't understand how universities cover up rape to protect their brand and male athletes.

I can't understand how someone can do what was done in Orlando.

I can't understand how what happened in Louisiana and Baton Rouge continues to happen.

I can't understand what happened in Dallas last night.

The truth is they are all related. They are all based on devaluing another human being because of their job, race, gender, religion or life style.

To people who post that because someone has a criminal record it is ok they were shot and executed when they were unarmed, shame on you. To people who post that what happened last night was inevitable and in any way justifiable shame on you. Both examples continue to perpetuate hate and violence which only leads to more hate and violence.

My heart breaks for all effected by all of these recent events. I do not believe I have to choose who my heart breaks for. I will not choose. Wrong is always wrong no matter who it is done to. Whether it is an innocent man during a traffic stop, or innocent police officers gathered to protect peaceful protest, it is all wrong and disgusting. 

I am not sure what the answer is, so I will continue to do what I believe I can. Teach my children to be color blind, teach my children to be kind even to those we disagree with, and teach my children to stand up for what we believe in in a nonviolent way. Help them to recognize hate and bigotry no matter who it comes from or what it is clouded in, so they never succumb to it. To stand up for what is right even when it is hard. 

 I will continue to try to empower the young women I teach and coach. Help guide them to be strong and not fearful. Help them to learn to stand up for what they believe in and stand up for themselves. 

And mostly I will continue to pray. Pray for those who have died needlessly. Pray for those who's hearts will never be whole again. Pray for those who have hate in their heart. That they may find a better way and find peace. Pray that this stops. 

"We must come to see that the end we seek is a society at peace with itself, a society that can live with its conscience." Martin Luther King Jr.

Seriously....

Nolan will be one! In about a week. I have often heard the phrase the days can be long but the years are short....This is so true.

A very good friend of mine, who I will not name as I didn't ask permission, is dealing with a difficult time in her life. However for this time to end and life to get easier she will eventually lose something she loves very much. So yesterday at lunch we talked about how hard that is. To want to get to an easier place but still live in the moment and realize that getting to an easier place means the loss of something. Something you can't get back....

That's how I feel about the first year of my babies life. Please do NOT get me wrong. I LOVE infant snuggles and I LOVE watching them change each and every day. But it is HARD! And if you say it isn't you either have more help then me, are lying, or I don't know what other option there is. I lived the first six months or so of each of my child's lives sleep deprived as we all do but this makes me a little crazy. I worry about EVERYTHING. I mean I worry about everything anyway..... but hormones and lack of sleep take it to a new level. But I have realized, much more with the second then the first, how worth it it is. I have tried to hold on to every snuggle when I rock him and every baby giggle I get from him realizing that for both the good and the bad this to shall pass. He will be 2 before I know it just like he is 1 and I don't think I barely blinked.

My message in all this, 100 percent to myself. because I am truly not sure anyone else reads this, is that while I can't go out like I used to, or drink a hot cup of coffee in the morning, or sometimes be quite as present at work, or sleep in, or feel carefree (almost ever) or, or ,or...... I am lucky. Lucky to have two awesome kids, be married to my best friend, have a roof over my head, have an extended family I love and who loves and supports me, live down the street from the best friends in the world etc etc.... I honestly don't have the right to complain. I have more to be thankful for then to be stressed about. WAY MORE. And that could change at any moment (again I tried to tell you I worry). So today I say to myself and everyone.... let's try to be in the moment. Even if that moment is covering your hair with throw-up at 2am (yes that happened recently) and even if that moment means (insert extended family member here) is driving you crazy. How lucky am I to have them?

Very........

Who really suffers?

Who really suffers?

It is always this time of year that I feel like I miss my kids. Having a baby this year magnifies it all because they change and grow SO fast. But in reality, while I know they miss time with me I have been thinking about who really is missing out.

My kids have a blast at school. I mean Nolan reaches for his teacher each morning. Peyton has good friends and plays and is learning new things all the time. It is me who is really cheated; not them. They know they are loved and they don’t know anything any different as far as school goes. I am the one who misses out, and not just on them. The guilt of being gone at works means when I am not working I feel this pull to be with them. So I miss out on anything that even resembles me time. I miss out on the recharge that in reality probably would make me a better wife, mother, coach and teacher. I push myself to a breaking point…. Then after breaking the cycle starts again.

My husband suffers. I have a shorter fuse and because of the pull I feel not to leave my kids we rarely go out. I honestly can’t remember the last date night we had… and it’s not his fault it is mine.

The joy in my career suffers. Not while I am doing it…. I mean I don’t lack passion or drive… but I feel guilty when it is over and guilty when I realize I have been so entrenched in my job that I haven’t thought about them in two hours. I really do LOVE to coach. I think I am pretty decent at it. I want to stop feeling guilty for that. Stop feeling guilty for wanting to do both. I want to be great at both…. I want to not feel guilty for wanting to be a working mom….

I know I am not alone. I know I am not the only working mother who feels this. There are many working mothers who want to actually stay home…. But does it make me bad that I don’t want to? I mean I definitely wish I had more time with my kids. In a perfect world there would be a better balance. But the truth is doing what I love doesn’t come easily in a part time package….

Trying to balance living my life that I worked so hard for AND balancing being all I can be for them…. I am guessing none of you out there have the answer???

I'm just gonna have to say it....

Ok I just feel the need to say this. I am sorry if I am offending you, it likely may not be the last time but I just can't hold it in.

I know a LOT of people on social media are making money through fitness. I am glad for you that you have a career with something you are passionate about. I am glad you are able to make money and that you yourself have a body I envy but PLEASE stop. PLEASE.

I stil have 20 (of the 65) baby pounds I gained to lose. I have trained and run a half marathon. I squeeze in every second I can to work out. but PLEASE do not say its just about wanting to, just about making time, anyone can find time.... AHHHHHHH.

I get up at 5:30am and do NOT stop until 8:00pm when Peyton goes to bed. My husband does the same. I squeeze in every workout I can.... I WANT to be thinner. I know if I go on a starve myself or deny myself everything diet from experience I will gain it all back the minute I stop. Jared gets to workout in place of lunch at work and then eat as his desk. I could do that IF I didn't eat lunch until 2:45 each day. And some days I do.... I squeeze it in. But please do not imply I can make it happen if only I wanted to. Again I know the MANY people I follow who are posting this stuff aren't meaning to be this way. But really people would only buy your product, attend your workout etc.. IF they weren't happy with their own bodies.

We know how good you look, we know you have something for me to buy or a service to sell. I am probably bitter and that is why I am typing this but I promise I am not the only one. Please get a page dedicated to your business.... or I guess I should just unfollow, block, hide or whatever you call it.

That is all I have.... let the unfriending begin....

Why??

I have gotten this question a lot lately. I am sure it is having an infant that has sparked the questions again. The last time I got them Peyton was a baby. Why do you coach? You are away from your family a lot. And yes this is true. And it is harder when they are so tiny and all you want is snuggles and they can't be at games as often. Then you factor in the times I complain to my friends about a difficult situation faced from coaching and they really don't get it. So I will explain why..... Because there are years and days where I ask myself that.

1. It's in my blood. I was running on Sunday and the song Reality by Kenny Chesney came on. For those of you who don't do country basically it's about what in your life you do to escape reality and for him it's his music. For me its 32 mins on a Tuesday and Friday night. which brings me to number 2....

2. Teamwork.... Working with a group every day for a common goal and it all coming together. Planning and setting players up to be successful. Calling a play and watching them execute it.

3. The Special years. My first special year was the first year I was with cy fair.... We were the second team. I had 9 kids. I had zero problems. The kids played hard, the played for each other. They were coach able. I was pregnant with Peyton at the time. We didn't win any championships but I smile every time I think about that team and I know in my heart the kids do too! This year is that kind of year. We are talented, the kids play hard, they want to be coached, and most importantly they are in it for each other. It's a "magic" that happens and when it does it fuels you. It's the kind of team I lay awake at night for to make sure I am doing every thing I can for them. Not sure how this year will finish as far as wins and losses but they are special!

4. Winning. I really really really like to win :-)

5. This one is most important.... The kids. Helping to impact a young life and watching them grow on and off the floor. The life long relationships I have with former players. Watching your kids work so hard for something and then seeing them achieve it. That is the greatest part of coaching! Seeing them succeed and take the lessons from basketball and become stronger in all parts of their life. When it's a hard day, week or even season I just look back at the kids and how even in the tough years it was worth it!

So while it really isn't the business of some of the judgement comments about "how do you do that?" And "isn't that so hard", the answer is yes it is. I have times of tears from feeling guilty but I also know denying who I am and not living my life won't make me a better mom. And my career is a calling I don't just draw a paycheck.... I mean let's be honest :)!

Strength...

I have grown a lot recently in my spirituality. The same thing happened when Peyton was born. I think it is hard not to grow when you have a beautiful little baby that you believe can only come from God. It just reminds you how powerful love is. You can't love anything more then you do when you see your own children.

So 2Timothy 1:17 has become a staple for me in my life. I do believe God gives us a spirit of power and strength. We are not weak. We can do more then we think we can, and only really know how tough we are when we are faced with challenges. For the most part I have always followed this in my life. Tried to be strong and do the best I can in everything I do. We also have an infinite supply of love to give out. This Christian love strengthens us as well as those we give it to.

This is the time of year that is all hits home for me. First the physical exhaustion is real. Getting up early, staying at work late and all that goes with the physical toll this takes on my body is real. This year throw in the physical demands of not sleeping through the night and trying to run enough to lose baby weight and my physical plate is full. However, this for me isn't the biggest challenge. If I can get one solid night of sleep a week I can handle this part.

Enter the emotional/mental strain. Being there for my kids requires being emotionally present. Not just a physical presence. I don't want any of this to slip through the cracks. So while we get less time this time of year I focus hard on the quality of it not the quantity. Being physically gone more also takes a strain on my emotionally.

I also strive to be there for my players. They need more then just someone telling them how to dribble. For me to follow through on the calling that my job really is, it takes an emotional and mental presence with my athletes. They don't all need the same amount of this all the time, but it seems they each need extra of this at different times. Which means, and I don't mean this in a bad way, it is always something and always someone. This is the part of coaching that people don't realize. They only realize the time you are there for their child. Well multiply that by the 13 kids on my team and 35 kids in the program. I am not complaining, because this is what I sign up for but it is emotionally exhausting.

I would also like to not slip on the being present in my marriage. Being emotionally and mentally there for Jared kinda matters to. So needless to say it can drain you.

For me this is where being close to God and having my spirit renewed is key. This is part of the self-discipline part. I have to make myself make time. If I don't I can't maintain everything else. At least not at the level that I want to. As the verse says God gives us the spirit we need, but keeping close to him is what allows it to renewed.... at least for me.

Lastly self-discipline means knowing what you can handle. For me this is prioritizing and making sure I keep what is most important at the forefront. That is not always easy. That has, again recently, forced me to make tough decisions in my life. We do have a spirit of power and strength but we don't have infinite time or infinite ability to do everything. Sometimes being strong means saying no.

I think this verse can have so many meanings to so many people. No matter what battle you are fighting, and to some extent we are always fighting a battle, remember my friends you have what you need. God has given you that spirit of strength!

So please consider throwing me into your prayer requests over the next fews months. Pray for my strength of spirit. I am praying for my fellow coaching friends as I know they too need that extra strength. My prayers also continue for those I love that are fighting some of the great battles of their lives. Your example gives me a spirit of power and I hope you can feel my love!

And so it begins....

It is that time of year again; basketball season is upon us. We officially start on Wednesday. The mommy part of me is a little sad because it sure becomes busy but luckily I have a great husband and set of close friends near by so I know my kids will be well covered!

This is one of my favorite times of year as a coach.

1. I am excited to have ten straight days of practice with no games or scrimmages to interrupt our learning. These next ten days will be crucial to us being ready for the whole season. Our district season starts so fast that their is no room for error in deciding what to focus on and what is important. I can all but guarantee the kids are not as excited about this time as I am :)

2. This is also the time of year where anything is possible. We haven't won or lost any games yet so this is the time of year where all is possible. This year we have the chance to have a GREAT season. We have a strong group of girls who know me, our system and play hard. They also genuinely like each other.

3. The district coaches picked us to win district. This will be a new challenge for these girls. Last year we were the up and comers and now we are a favorite. There are some other really good teams in our district but this time there are expectations. This will be new for our players.

If we can just bottle up all this energy this could really be a great year!!!!!!

Make sure to catch the Lady Chaps this year!