Strength...

I have grown a lot recently in my spirituality. The same thing happened when Peyton was born. I think it is hard not to grow when you have a beautiful little baby that you believe can only come from God. It just reminds you how powerful love is. You can't love anything more then you do when you see your own children.

So 2Timothy 1:17 has become a staple for me in my life. I do believe God gives us a spirit of power and strength. We are not weak. We can do more then we think we can, and only really know how tough we are when we are faced with challenges. For the most part I have always followed this in my life. Tried to be strong and do the best I can in everything I do. We also have an infinite supply of love to give out. This Christian love strengthens us as well as those we give it to.

This is the time of year that is all hits home for me. First the physical exhaustion is real. Getting up early, staying at work late and all that goes with the physical toll this takes on my body is real. This year throw in the physical demands of not sleeping through the night and trying to run enough to lose baby weight and my physical plate is full. However, this for me isn't the biggest challenge. If I can get one solid night of sleep a week I can handle this part.

Enter the emotional/mental strain. Being there for my kids requires being emotionally present. Not just a physical presence. I don't want any of this to slip through the cracks. So while we get less time this time of year I focus hard on the quality of it not the quantity. Being physically gone more also takes a strain on my emotionally.

I also strive to be there for my players. They need more then just someone telling them how to dribble. For me to follow through on the calling that my job really is, it takes an emotional and mental presence with my athletes. They don't all need the same amount of this all the time, but it seems they each need extra of this at different times. Which means, and I don't mean this in a bad way, it is always something and always someone. This is the part of coaching that people don't realize. They only realize the time you are there for their child. Well multiply that by the 13 kids on my team and 35 kids in the program. I am not complaining, because this is what I sign up for but it is emotionally exhausting.

I would also like to not slip on the being present in my marriage. Being emotionally and mentally there for Jared kinda matters to. So needless to say it can drain you.

For me this is where being close to God and having my spirit renewed is key. This is part of the self-discipline part. I have to make myself make time. If I don't I can't maintain everything else. At least not at the level that I want to. As the verse says God gives us the spirit we need, but keeping close to him is what allows it to renewed.... at least for me.

Lastly self-discipline means knowing what you can handle. For me this is prioritizing and making sure I keep what is most important at the forefront. That is not always easy. That has, again recently, forced me to make tough decisions in my life. We do have a spirit of power and strength but we don't have infinite time or infinite ability to do everything. Sometimes being strong means saying no.

I think this verse can have so many meanings to so many people. No matter what battle you are fighting, and to some extent we are always fighting a battle, remember my friends you have what you need. God has given you that spirit of strength!

So please consider throwing me into your prayer requests over the next fews months. Pray for my strength of spirit. I am praying for my fellow coaching friends as I know they too need that extra strength. My prayers also continue for those I love that are fighting some of the great battles of their lives. Your example gives me a spirit of power and I hope you can feel my love!

And so it begins....

It is that time of year again; basketball season is upon us. We officially start on Wednesday. The mommy part of me is a little sad because it sure becomes busy but luckily I have a great husband and set of close friends near by so I know my kids will be well covered!

This is one of my favorite times of year as a coach.

1. I am excited to have ten straight days of practice with no games or scrimmages to interrupt our learning. These next ten days will be crucial to us being ready for the whole season. Our district season starts so fast that their is no room for error in deciding what to focus on and what is important. I can all but guarantee the kids are not as excited about this time as I am :)

2. This is also the time of year where anything is possible. We haven't won or lost any games yet so this is the time of year where all is possible. This year we have the chance to have a GREAT season. We have a strong group of girls who know me, our system and play hard. They also genuinely like each other.

3. The district coaches picked us to win district. This will be a new challenge for these girls. Last year we were the up and comers and now we are a favorite. There are some other really good teams in our district but this time there are expectations. This will be new for our players.

If we can just bottle up all this energy this could really be a great year!!!!!!

Make sure to catch the Lady Chaps this year!

This one you may not all like....

I find my mind wanders a lot when I am feeding Nolan at night. The last few nights I have had ample opportunity for it to wander and lately I find myself thinking a lot about these NFL players in the news. I have read and heard all sorts of thoughts on it.

First Mr. Peterson don’t get me started on you! As I hold my infant and look at my almost four year old all I can think about is that poor little boy. We can debate spanking but this, my friends, is not spanking. I mean anyone who looks at those pictures and defends him…. I don’t get it. Those who I have read that are defending are calling it discipline. I mean clearly that worked well on him. He has multiple children (I have read any where from 5-7) and they are by multiple women. So this discipline obviously taught you a lot. You obviously learned a great sense of responsibility and great sense of respect for family by the way you were disciplined. Try teaching your children things by being around and by being their dad! Let’s start there…. Instead of with marks and scars all over your son's body or is it sons' body now.

Now Mr. Rice,

First something that struck me about what I heard about Rice before the start of the Steelers vs Ravens football game. One of the commentators (I can’t even remember who) said that we need to change our language to show that we value women in order to help stop this cycle. Now I definitely agree with this sentiment. However he used examples like “throws like a girl” or  “he is weak like a girl”. Now while I don’t LOVE those expressions I really don’t think that these are the problem phrases. I think maybe hip/hop and other very popular songs I hear on the radio that degrade women might be a problem. I mean there is a song by Dre and Snoop called “Bitches Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks”, “Tip Drill” by Nelly etc.. I am not saying that all of these songs in this genre degrade women or that there aren’t women rappers who degrade men but I think there is a definite theme. This is not a race issue or a socioeconomic issue either….this is an American culture issue. How about a common phrase that went around, and was extremely popular even at the high school level, “That’s what she said.” One of my fellow teachers posted about a recent Beyonce performance and how horrible and inappropriate it was. Yet all the kids at school thought it was "amazing". When we as women allow ourselves to be used as objects in this regard we are certainly not stopping how men like Ray Rice then think they can treat and use us. Now I am in NO WAY saying she deserved it or did ANYTHING that warrants or deserves that treatment. Nor am I excusing ANY abuse of ANY woman anywhere at anytime, but I am saying that as a culture we have to stop promoting ourselves as objects to be used. The girls I am around in high school now listen to these songs and think nothing of it. The shorts they wear and tops the wear get skimpier and skimpier. Again they don’t think anything of it. They are good wholesome great kids…. But it is the culture…. Our culture.

I am glad for the sponsors that are pulling money or at least threatening too. I am glad for people who are starting to speak out against what the NFL has known about and ignored (arguably for generations). But this isn’t an NFL problem. This isn’t a football problem. This is a society problem. Both of these issues, child abuse and abuse of woman are much MUCH greater issues.

At the risk of sounding like a feminist (as that is now a dirty word according to a Today Show I watched when Nolan was a few weeks old), women certainly have come a long way and so have most men in how they think of and treat women. More and more parents use other ways of disciplining their kids rather then resorting to violence. But maybe if our culture valued less of how “baby got back” it would certainly help. This really is not a “woman hear me roar” post but more of a what can we do to protect our kids and women post. I am sure I sound old and fuddy duddy… or prude… or old fashioned. The obvious question for me as a mom is what will it be like for my daughter, but also I think of my little guy. He will fortunately be raised by a man who does respect women and is not violent.  Jared was raised by a dad who is not violent and also respects women and so I just hopes that that is the greatest influence on both my kids.

I have officially really rambled and I won’t even begin to tell you how many other issues this connects in my mind including but not limited to underpaid child labor in foreign countries by American companies ( I told you I am weird) , what we let our little preschool and elementary age girls wear, how sports can play a role in empowering girls. And the list goes on….

A Note to My Favorite Teenagers.....

As a high school teacher and coach I can honestly tell you that I love teenagers. Not all of them every day and not all of them on the same day but it is such a fun age to work with b/c you can really feel like you are making an impression and a difference. Really helping them to grow into independent young adults. I think of the difference in Nolan and Peyton right now.... just about four years. It is obvious how much a person changes from an infant to a four year old. But honestly a 14 year old to an 18 year old changes just as much. You have to look closer sometimes but they grow and evolve tremendously. As a coach you work with the same kids for four years and really get to see those changes.

Let me preface the rest of this by saying I had a really great high school experience. I had good friends, was successful in the classroom and on the court. I found friends who didn't push me into things I didn't want to do and who for the most part really accepted me for me.

Saying all of that high school can be some of the hardest/cruelest years of a persons life. Here are couple things I know to be true!

1. High school is the meanest sociological experiment I could ever think of! You are crammed into a building with hundreds or even thousands of other egocentric, hormonal beings who are also just trying to survive. This does not always lead to kindness and thoughtfulness toward others. Especially those who are "different" then you are. And with all of this you CAN'T escape!!!! But you will..... and you will learn a LOT in the process.

2. You are not as awkward as you think you are! Even the the prettiest most put together teenager is somewhat insecure. No matter how much more you think he or she has it together they are also insecure. Especially in that awkward sophomore year! So push through.... If you can be confident in those halls you'll be ok later.

3. There is at least one adult in the building you can relate to and who wants to HELP when you need it! I can't think of a single teacher who doesn't like kids that is a teacher! We may not all show it the way you want us to but we do care. So talk to someone... even if it is just to have someone to chat with. We want to be there for ya!

4. It isn't fair you are right! Adults do have more choices. If I get really busy with something outside of teaching I can postpone grading a day and that is not true for you. If you have a big game, your boyfriend and you get in a fight, and you have two tests the next day you don't get to postpone the test.... you gotta take it. Now to be fair to teachers I can't postpone or move everything, but I don't usually have to go home and work for four hours. You often have no choice. College does get better because you aren't in class ALL DAY. You can budget your time better. Of course those of you with a bunch of free periods.... well....

5. Drive with the windows rolled down and SING LOUD! As stressful as high school was there were moments when I first got my license that were the freest I EVER felt in my life. No bills to pay, no one else dependent on me (at least not in the adult sense) and the best 90s music! Enjoy those moments at the lake in the summer and sleeping in until noon. You will never be that free again!

6. College will be AWESOME! No matter how much you love or hate high school.... College will be better. People leave each other alone in college.... people just aren't as worried about other people. Maybe it is because colleges are so big, maybe it is getting out of the super awkward years, or maybe we actually learn from our mistakes in high school but people just are less judgy (I think I made up a word there). You will meet your life long friends who share your ways of thinking in college. You might meet your husband or wife and it is just plain fun!

To my favorite teenagers whom I love and worry about daily you can do this..... it will be the best and worst times all rolled into one!

The power of a mom.....

One of the things I am constantly praying about is the balance in being a mom. I want to ALWAYS be the safe place for my kids to land. The place they know they can call when they need love and support no matter what they have done. At the same time I am the one (along with their father of course :)) to teach them right from wrong and build their moral compass. This I think will remain a constant balance for their whole life.

With an infant it is easy (in this sense, I think my previous posts document that I know it has it's own challenges). You can't really spoil them and you hold the key to everything. Your touch, hug, and kiss can cure most anything. They NEED you for EVERYTHING. You are their safe place, and you are their home base. You are all they want. Then something happens.... they start to grow up. So quickly things change. They knowingly do things they shouldn't, they lie, they talk back, and more then anything they challenge you! And you have to correct and explain WHY what they are doing is wrong to help develop that moral compass. A very good friend, who has awesome grown children, once told me you have until they are 7. You have to build in that moral base by then. You are still the world and what you say matters so much to them. It doesn't mean you are done or that its easy after (I mean hello preteen and teenage years) but if that base is established you have a starting and ending point. You have a place to draw from in those challenging years. Which means with Peyton half of that time is up for me! We have conversations that let me know a LOT is getting in... and we have a long way to go!

At the end of all of this molding and and shaping and helping them to grow I hope there are five things that I do as well as my mom did:

1. I always know I can call her. No matter what. If I am sad, mad, lost, frustrated, you name it she is almost always my first call. I know she will try to listen and offer advice. But most importantly I know I will find someone on the other end who is always on my side. Even if I am wrong. Trust me... she will tell me I am wrong, BUT I know it won't change that she is on my side to help me get it right. During this rough patch with Nolan and breastfeeding and dairy allergies I called her just bawling and her message was "it will be all right" Then she calmly talked me through what I needed to do. When I ran into someone with my new Tahoe, when Jared and I were just married, and I discovered I had not put the car on the insurance she was there to help me. She lent me the money. I paid every cent back, but she was there to help me figure it out. When I first called her I was SURE I was going to jail and couldn't even think straight. We got through it. I know she is my sister and brothers first call most of the time too. I want to be that person for my kids. I want to be the person they know they can call. Call for support but still an honest answer. Figuring this balance out is at the top of my mom to do list.

2. Teaching me it is ok to say I am sorry. My mom wasn't afraid to tell us when she had messed up. And through that I learned two things. One, if it is ok for my mom to say she was sorry and admit she was wrong then it was ok for me too. Two, adults aren't perfect. Your teachers, coaches, friends parents... everyone messes up. So sometimes when you feel like they are wrong in how the dealt with you... the truth is they might be. They makes mistakes too. It doesn't make them bad and you can learn so much from them, but they aren't Jesus. No matter how much you admire them they mess up too. Don't mistake them or anyone else for perfect.

3. Grace. It goes with number 2. You have to forgive people when they are wrong, because they WILL mess up. There are some things that we forgive but don't forget. We sometimes have to remove people from our lives if it is an unhealthy relationship, but that doesn't mean we should hate them. We have to forgive them for our "personhood" (she likes that word). She modeled this every day with my siblings and I. I of course alway felt I deserved her forgiveness, but I honestly don't know how she ever forgave the other two :). I probably learned more about grace from watching her forgive them then I did anything else. Cause like I said they didn't deserve it like I did (in my childhood mind), so if she forgave them so easily then that must be what I should do. Honestly she is MUCH better at this then I am. MUCH! This is one of those things I have to keep working on and praying about. I am good at the removal part but not so great at the forget. I am somewhere in the middle on forgive. 

4. A man doesn't complete you. My parents have been married for 34 years. I never thought they needed the other one to be a whole person. I always thought they were happier together and wanted to be together but never thought she needed him to be her. She had things that were just hers and vice versa. They love each other unconditionally and have supported each other completely. We moved across the country for my Dad's job and my Dad supported my mom when she changed careers to become a minister. But she always taught me you have to be a whole person before you find a relationship. You can't have a happy marriage otherwise, and for that matter your husband has to be a whole person too without you. So not only does a man not complete you, you can't complete someone else. 

5. God really does love you no matter what. I think we see this most by the way our parents love us. They model unconditional love and that is how we can begin to understand God's love for us. I have no doubt that no matter what I did my mom would be there by my side. So if she loves me that much imagine what God's love is like. I think having children I now understand it even more. I want my kids through me to also learn of God's love. I want them to have no doubt that no matter what I would be there and through that understand that they serve a God who is also there through it all.

I mean really those are no big deal right? It should be easy to live up to everything my mom has taught me and loved me through right? Don't get me wrong my mother can make me madder then anyone and we can disagree on many things, but I know she always has my back. It is why I could try new things, why I was able to start down a path realize it was wrong and redirect my course. I knew that no matter what she would be there to help me through. I just hope my kids get the same security from me!

Six Weeks.... Can't Imagine

Nolan has made it to six weeks. I can NOT believe that is possible!!! Although he has begun smiling which just melts my heart....

With Peyton John Paul paid me 60% of my salary for 8 weeks (6 if you didn't have a c-section) with no extra insurance required. After my maternity leave was over with Peyton, at 8 weeks, I was able to work part time the rest of that year. They worked this out for me for that first year so I would have more time with her. It was awesome because as busy as some days got with basketball and teaching I always knew I had the next day to spend with her, just the two of us, however I wanted to. This time I don't have temporary part time work, but I will be home until he is 14 weeks. The last 5 weeks or so she will be back to preschool and he and I will have time just us. So I feel blessed in both situations to have time with my babies that so many people don't get.

But it raises the question for me... what if I was ALREADY back to work yesterday???? He was six weeks last Friday and MOST women who have to work for financial reasons have to go back to work after 6 weeks. I honestly can't imagine how they do it. The thought of it breaks my heart. I feel like there has to be a better way. I watch HGTV all the time, and so many of the shows like Love it or List it are based in Canada. Women on there are talking about having to go back to work after a YEAR! I am not sure if they are paid or just guaranteed their job back or really how it works but that must be AMAZING as a mom. I know this gets into socialized medicine and all kinds of other debates, but I feel like there has to be a better way.

For me I wouldn't want to not coach for a year. It is to big of a part of who I am, but to have options to be home more while you have an infant would be great. In my current job, the only form of maternity leave is to take out long term disability and how much you can collect is limited. For some of my friends they do not even have that option. The only thing they have are their vacation and sick days.

Again I don't know what the answer is. My husband runs a small company and if they had an employee leave for a year on maternity leave they would have a major problem keeping things going. I am not saying that I know what the answer is but I think there has to be a better one. One that helps women have time with their babies while they are so small and need their mommies as much as their mommies need them!!!!

You forget so much.....

Nolan will be one month tomorrow!!! This first month, just like with Peyton, is both the fastest and slowest out there. The days (and nights) can be long and stressful, but looking back I can't believe this sweet little guy is a month old!

I learned a lot in this last month. As stressful and big changes usually do, it forced me to examine things. There are definitely things even as a second time mom you realize you have forgotten, didn't listen to others about and then the list that people don't talk about. Here's my top ten...

1. You really do want to hold that baby all the time. All I want to do is snuggle with him. I don't co-sleep because I am scared of the danger of it, but even a month in and even when I am exhausted I have to talk myself into laying him down so that he can get rest and so can I.

2. The sleep deprivation sucks! This kid sleeps about as well as a baby can and I am still exhausted. Not quite hallucinating like I am pretty sure we both did with Peyton, but it still sucks. Those 8-10 hours are amazing and you forget how amazing until they are taken away.

3. "Breast is best"unless it is making you crazy, hate your life and even angry at a new born. Oh and if your kid has allergies and it seems no matter what you are doing you feel like you are poisoning him. Then not so best. Mothers face more pressure from society to do things in a certain way then maybe any other group. Everyone has an opinion about the best way to raise your child....even people you don't know. And people who have NEVER RAISED A CHILD!!! It makes it hard to make a rational choice sometimes. In the end you have to do what works best for your child..... we are now on formula. Everyone in this house is functioning better... including my child's tummy!

4. Once again your dogs become that.... dogs. Don't get me wrong I love our animals but seriously they bark at the wrong times, the jingle their stupid collars and WAKE UP THE BABY!!!!!!

5. There is NO TIME! I forgot how little time there is for anything! Sleep when they baby sleeps... HA! First you have to convince the baby to sleep somewhere other then your arms. (Thankfully this is going much better the second time). But when do dishes get done, laundry get washed, oh and your older child get attention?!?!? Right... when the baby sleeps! So no..... unless it is after 10pm and before 7am I do not get to sleep when the baby sleeps. And even in those hours I find myself listening to his breathing making sure he is ok.... deep sleep might return some day....

6. The baby wants you.... not just someone to hold him but you. Jared is a GREAT and hands on dad, but there are times that only mommy will do. You have spent the last 9 months together and you are the one with the right smell, right voice and right touch. Sometimes only you can comfort him. This is both AMAZING and AWFUL all at once. It means that you can't always catch a break even when help is around. However it sure is a reward for those 9 months that sometimes just your arms around him instantly stop the crying. And if Peyton is any indication this continues..... until at least 3 and half and counting.

7. Everyone else seems to forget how hard it is. If you put on a tough face and keep moving they forget you had major surgery (c-section here) or that you are hormonal as all get out... you just had a baby! The world thinks this ends in like a week.... HA!

8. Your body sure takes a while to come back. I forgot how long it took to get back in my pants after Peyton. I am now remembering!! But who has time to cook and shop for healthy food with two kids. I was doing good working out.... now Peyton is sick with a fever and we have to keep them separated so he doesn't get sick. There goes what time I had found this last week!

9. You are TRAPPED. Not everyone will agree with me on this. Some moms don't get trapped. But I am. Trying to keep your under 2 month old from getting sick means keeping him home (unless he has a germy 3.5 year old sister then it means keeping him in your room). You are regulated by a feeding schedule and his need to be kept healthy to avoid something serious at such a young age. There are great things to this... LOTS of snuggle time and bonding time with you and your baby. But for an on the go person, who LOVES to travel and coach her summer team in July there is another part of you that feels trapped. I wouldn't trade the time with him and I wouldn't give it up for the other things I love, because I know I will never EVER get these days back. And I am much more aware of how fast they go this time.

10. You have never loved anything so much...AGAIN. They steal your heart. I didn't think I could have room to love another being like I do Peyton. But as my sister told me it is like your heart just creates another space.... when he was born I just had more love. Didn't divide it... God just gave me more to hand out. It is an amazing feeling again. Worth every bit of sickness, swelling, and discomfort over the last 9 months. And it is worth everything we sacrifice as mom's and more. No doubt and every time!

So to my fellow moms of babies.... Soak it all up b/c they are not infants very long AND it is ok to need a minute and a shoulder to cry on!!!! (I am really telling myself this more then anyone else!)

And the 45 min nap is over....... I probably should have done laundry.....

What I learned form the letter Y…. and a step stool….

What a difference a second child makes.

As from a previous post, I was very concerned about what having another kid would be like for Peyton. I had read on some forums about kids her age who kinda go off the deep end. Won't sleep, bite, kick or hit their moms, or even just become depressed and act out for attention. She has always been our whole world and for the most part the center of attention, and now we were adding this tiny little baby who was going to need so much attention. (well first he wasn't nearly as tiny as she was ;) )

Well he is here. He couldn't be cuter and we couldn't love him more. And he does need a lot of attention as expected, but while this has created a huge change for her I don't think it's been bad for her. I had two very quick lessons about how capable, well adjusted and smart my oldest is. Simple lessons, but clearly I don't give her enough credit.

She has been able to write her name for a while now, but has always insisted she can't write her y's well enough and that we needed to help her. So I bought her writing books, and we would sit down together and I have helped her and helped her. She still wouldn't even try the letter y without it to trace or us holding the pen together. Then during Nolan's first week home, when he wanted to be fed every 45 mins and I couldn't help her and work on writing like I normally do, that is when she just did it on her own. She asked for some paper (which she does all the time so I thought nothing of it) and she just started writing y's and then her whole name with the y. She was SO PROUD. Not only had she done it, but she did it by herself. No one even suggested she try.

My second lesson came the next day. I pretty much always go with her to the bathroom. I want to make sure she wipes well and there are no messes. Also to make sure she washes her hands well. Once again I was feeding Nolan and I realized I hadn't seen Peyton in about five minutes. All of a sudden I hear running water. So I scoop up Nolan and going as quickly as a c-section recovering mommy can, hurry to the bathroom. She is standing on a step stool at the sink washing her hands. "Don't worry mommy I went potty all by myself. You were busy and I can do it." She had gotten a step stool (which I was using to get in and out of bed) and gone to the bathroom….. and washed her hands all by herself. She didn't need me at all.

I realized through these and countless other small things that have happened in the last 2.5 weeks that while she does need us, she also needs me to let her explore. Let her fall, let her try and she can come around and do things on her own. She doesn't need me to constantly hover. I didn't realize how much I was limiting her until I couldn't anymore. Nolan has forced me to allow her to be more independent, and for the most part she is doing awesome.

I still try everyday to carve out a few minutes that are just for us. A little chunk of time every day where she gets my attention first. Plus Jared and her have had a blast doing even more stuff together and I think it has brought them closer together too.

She LOVES being a big sister and brags about it to everyone. She sings to him if he cries, and if he is awake sits with him and talks to him and plays with him. He will quickly turn his head from me to watch her and I can already see the sibling bond forming.

So in the end Nolan has been great for her!

Been Thinking.......

I have been thinking a lot about Motherhood.... thanks to mother's day and being so close to the birth of baby number two.

When Peyton was just born I remember being extremely overwhelmed. Tired, sore from the C-Section and just overly worried that something bad would happen. I remember talking to one of best friends, Cari and to this day I remember what she told me. You will never stop worrying. You worried when you were carrying her, now you worry about all the infant worries, then it moves on to toddler concerns, then it just keeps going. So pray hard and get used to it, because it never goes away. She probably doesn't even remember this conversation (which took place in the middle of the night b/c she had a infant too at the time), but it stuck with me. And I try to remind myself of it every time I worry about something I can't control with Peyton, and I try to push those crazy worry thoughts out of my mind.

On mother's day you read all these nice posts to peoples mom's and even to the moms of "fur babies" etc... I remember before I had Peyton as an aunt, fur mommy, and coach I thought I really understood what a mother's love was. After all I have a great mother and I know she loves me. But the truth is there is nothing like it. There are all these other very important, very loving relationships in your life and I don't mean to diminish any of them.b/c they are very important but the love you feel for your kids is different. The power of it and the responsibility you feel from it is unlike any other relationship a woman can have.

So now the part I have been thinking about. How this works with two? I am not sure how you divide that up... although I hear it doesn't work that way. Do you just worry twice as much? How does your heart and brain not burst? All of this will be answered for me soon enough, but in the mean time I will try to listen to Cari and remember that worrying won't stop and I really need to pray about it!

Been a While....

I haven't been on in a while. Mostly because I gave up social media for lent. Let me tell you I didn't realize how addicted to it I was. I usually look at it on my phone so I removed all the apps, and I can not tell you how many times my fingers naturally went to where those apps are on my phone out of habit. The first week was the toughest but then it got better as time went on. I learned a couple of things:

1. I do get a LOT of information that way. News, basketball updates, updates on friends and family etc...
2. However, I did survive not having this information.
3. I spent time doing other things which was good. Mostly more dedicated time with Peyton where I wasn't as distracted.
4. Generally speaking I wasn't as distracted and I paid more attention to the people around me.

While I was away our house was finished. We are very happy with it. We are lucky to have some of the best friends the world has ever known who let us stay with them for EIGHT MONTHS. Most people don't have family who want that. So thanks to their help we are now all settled in our new house.

We are 5.5 weeks away from our little boy coming. You would think after having one c-section I wouldn't be as nervous this time, but I am dreading that part. Trust me I am ready for him to be out, and to begin my body recovering but I am not looking forward to that awake hour of surgery or those first two weeks after. I know it will all be worth it, but sure wish there was an easier way!

People always say the you are different with the second. Well with Peyton I had everything purchased and set up with 8 weeks to go..... still working on that this time lol.

Looking forward to seeing a bunch of family over the next three weeks which will really make the time go faster until he gets here!

Hope everyone had a good Easter and is ready for the home stretch to summer!

24 weeks and counting.....

You always hear people, even the doctor, tell you that every pregnancy is different. Now 24 weeks in I can say that it is very true. While I was nauseous and exhausted with this one in the first trimester he did not make me throw up like Peyton did. I haven't been as swollen as fast. However I sure have had more braxton hicks and had them WAY sooner.

You also get bigger way faster.... this stomach of mine was hard to hide by the time I was 11 weeks!

Other things are easier. It has gone MUCH MUCH MUCH faster so far. I think you just don't have time to sit around and think about it all the time. You have a little toddler who needs your attention and really doesn't care that you are pregnant. Plus even though it is different you generally know what to expect .Every week and every baby appointment isn't a surprise. I even know what to expect next time with the nasty glucose drink!

One thing that is different this time is that I know with about as much certainty as possible that he will be born June 6th. Planned C-Sections are a bit surreal. While it is normal to schedule a surgery it isn't as normal to know the date and time your son will be born. That is definitely different.

So school will end and a week later our little boy will be here. 15 weeks from today we will have two children to keep up with! At least we can still go man-to-man! ha!

Valentines Day... To hate it or love it?

I used to HATE Valentines Day! Not as much as my sister did, but none the less it used to be a day I really couldn't get behind. Another "Hallmark Holiday" if you will. It wasn't because I was single. I felt this way with a serious boyfriend, finance and even husband. I just felt like it was dumb, unnecessary and mushy.If you know me well you know mushy and feelings are not my greatest strength. So it seemed like a dumb day I was forced to "show" feelings I felt like I showed all the time in my own way.

Now that I am older I kind of like it. Peyton thinks it is the greatest thing ever. She and Jared worked on writing her name on each card she brought to school, and she gets to have a class party which makes her VERY happy! So as a mom, at least of a toddler, it is a fun day. Jared got me some flowers yesterday, and Peyton insisted I had to share because Daddy was her valentine too and sharing is caring.

Secondly, I agree you should be with someone who makes you feel special every day, and we shouldn't just show love one day a year. (These are things I have read on fb and twitter all day.) BUT it is kinda nice to have someone take a little extra time out to say it, buy you some chocolate covered strawberries, and get a nice card. I also don't mind having an excuse for a date night, which these days for us are hard to come by. Actually we had to squeeze in a date lunch this year. No babysitter and really not our own place to even get one (that is a rant on our builder for another post).

So now I see it as a good thing. A day to slow down and remember to say I love you to everyone you love, not just your significant other. It can be silly and meaningless or you can give it meaning. I have decided not to hate it anymore!

New Years Resolution Time- "Grateful"

Normally this is the time of year that I resolve to lose ten pounds. It is usually the same ten pounds I lost between Jan and March the year before. This year, being pregnant, that doesn't seem like it is going to work. So what to do?

I was reading twitter and noticed instead of resolutions people are picking one word to be the focus of their year. Like happiness or organization etc...

If you know me well you know I am not good with one word. Never have been. I have to much to say and to much on my mind. But I thought this was a really good idea. So I tried to think of qualities in myself I want to see change.

Well first I want to enjoy the moment even more. They go so fast and no new moments are promised. Instead of focusing on what's next I want to try to enjoy what I am doing even more.

Second I want to be more appreciative of my family and friends. I am a perfectionist and I want everything and everyone, myself included, to be perfect. Instead I would like to try to appreciate those I love for who they are.

Lastly I want to be better about getting Peyton to church regularly. Being tired isn't a good excuse, and it's important we settle into a church community here.

So putting all this together I have come up with the word "Grateful". That is going to be my word for 2014. Be grateful for the awesome moments in my life, the people who mean the most to me, and to God for everything we have. I am sure I will come up with a 100 more ways this word can tie into my life.

What word can you use to define your year? To help refocus you in what matter most?

I am going to post this word on my bathroom mirror (well really still Crystal and Cortney's since our house still isn't ready. Talk about having friends to be grateful for), on my desk at work, and in my car somewhere. Every time I feel myself losing focus on being grateful hopefully this will help to remind me!

Clearly with this picture what more could I be grateful for!!!!!